I was in love once. I was young and naive, but that love was the most alive feeling I had ever felt.
He made me angry as hell, and yet happier than I had ever been. He could get me worked up over any issue, and yet calmed all of my fears and worries at the same time. When I kissed him, my entire body tingled. When I was away from him, my body ached to be near him. When I was with him, there was no other place I'd rather be. He could make me laugh until I cried and he could make me think until my brain ached. He would make me so mad, and I'd display a passion that I never knew was inside of me. I experienced passion that I never knew existed. But then he would whisper the sweetest things in my ear or write them in a long distance letter, and my Ms. Independent attitude would melt away. The years we were friends and then dated were the most alive years I had ever experienced. When I lost him, I grieved. My body and heart ached, I cried all the time, and I was certain that I'd never be happy again.
That was so long ago. I've dated men since then. Yet none have captured my interest like he did. They can't make me full of passion and yet calm me at the same time. They don't make me have that gut feeling, that feeling where you just know it is right.
That love I felt at such a young age was so unreal that sometimes I think I imagined it. Many people have tried to tell me that we didn't really love each other in that way, or even love at all. But they weren't there. They weren't part of that relationship. It was a love I had never experienced before and haven't experienced since. Sometimes there are moments when I think I imagined it. But then I remember the chills, the butterflies, the feel of his fingers and his lips, the passion, the happiness, and the
love... and I know it was real.
I've loved a man before, and until you love in that way.... well, you haven't really lived until you experience that kind of love. And I refuse to settle for anything less than that level of love again. I have loved and I am capable of loving again. Sometimes I think that love was a once in a lifetime chance. That it won't come back around and that I had my chance and lost it. But I know that's not true. I know it will happen again, and it will be even better than before. So I refuse to settle for all of this mediocre dating until then. I want that unstoppable love again and I can't wait for the day that it comes around! So here's to waiting for that again, with a new man. Enough of this half love. I'm ready and willing to wait for the real thing again!
