Today is one month since my sweet pawpaw went to Heaven. This past month has been filled with memories of him. I find myself randomly tearing up when I think about him being gone. I think the thing that makes me the most sad is thinking about how he won't be spending Christmas mornings with us. He has been at every single Christmas morning since I was a little kid. There were some years where he would even spend the night on Christmas Eve. Both he and my mom were such big parts of my Christmas memories, and Christmas will be so different without both of them. However, I was blessed with 23 years of him in my life. And I constantly remind myself that he is in
heaven with his
Savior and I am stuck on
Earth. He is the one who should feel sorry for me! That is such truth.
The last time I saw my pawpaw was on Christmas morning. I went downstairs after waking up, and he was sitting at the kitchen counter. He stood up to give me a side hug, but something in me made me give him a full on, long hug. He kissed me on the cheek and told me he loved me. When he was leaving, I again gave him a long hug. I remember thinking as I hugged him about how much I missed seeing him and how I didn't want him to leave yet. Now that I look back on it, it makes me think that maybe God was showing me not to take this time with him for granted and to give him a real hug. As he walked out the door, all of us grandkids yelled at him how much we loved him, and then we waved goodbye. If only we had known it was for the last time.
Anyway, I wrote this the night he passed away. I had originally planned to share it at his funeral. The next day, I decided it was too long and too much to share, so I shortened it. In the end, I decided not to speak at all. I knew that after listening to my younger brother, sister, and sweet little cousin speak about my Pawpaw, that I wouldn't be able to do it without tears. However, I still want a place to save the words that I wrote about him, so I decided to do that here. So, this is for you Pawpaw....
Ronnie was a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me he was my beloved pawpaw. He was always a man of few words, at least around me. I remember when I was little, I would just curl up with him and watch TV. We rarely talked much during those times, but his arms were some of the safest I knew.
He loved Alabama football, and I think that is where I get my love for it from. I remember spending hours upon hours in his Alabama room at his house and just looking at all of the different things he had in that room. I learned more about Alabama’s history while in that room than I did on it’s campus years later. I would ask what each piece was and why it was important. In that room I learned about our national championships, Big Al, and the Bear. I’m pretty sure he is the man who taught me how to say “Roll Tide.”- Out of his few words, those were words that were spoken often.
My pawpaw had a huge heart. If you ever, ever needed anything done, he was the one to do it in a heartbeat. One summer, my sister and I were moving from a house to an apartment. We needed to borrow his trailer to move, so he came on down to Tuscaloosa. My dad was running waaaay late, and pawpaw didn’t want to wait on him—my pawpaw loaded up our ENTIRE house on that trailer in under two hours. (Which if you know Holly and I, is a LOT of stuff. We are known for keeping everything we have ever owned!) My dad got to the house and it was literally done. I’m sure it wore him out, but he never once complained. In fact, a week later when it was time to unload it off the trailer and put it in the apartment, he was back to do it all over again. He never once complained, even though we did it all in the heat of July. That’s just the kind of man he was.
One summer my sister, younger brother, cousin, and me decided to go visit our aunt in Florida. Pawpaw was not going to miss a week at the beach with his daughter and 4 of his grandkids. He hopped in his truck and drove the 12 hours to Daytona Beach. We played board games all week, watched TV together, walked the beach, and just talked. He even treated the girls to a day of shopping. He ended every night sitting in his chair, reading a western book. The following spring break, my brother, cousin, and an exboyfriend went down for another week, and he joined us again. Those two weeks are the most time I’ve spent with my grandfather in a consecutive time in years. Those two weeks are weeks that I will always remember and always cherish. It was so evident that he just wanted to spend time enjoying his grandchildren, and we loved spending the time with him.
After my uncle died, he started going back to church. I remember when he called and told me about it all, I could just hear the difference in his voice. One week he called me and asked if I would come to church with him the next Sunday- I was honored to join him. That Sunday I loaded my younger brother and two younger cousins in the car, and we drove up to go to church with him. I’ve never seen a prouder smile on his face than when he introduced us to his church. I remember the day our entire family went up there when he was ordained as a deacon. The tears in his eyes taught me so much about a man who loves his God and his family. I’ve never seen him more humble or more proud than he was at that very moment.
During college, my pawpaw sent my sister and me a card every single month. He never missed a month. Like I said earlier- he was a man of few words- and each month the card would say something really simple- “Be good- Love you- PaPa”, “Study hard- love you- papa”, “Hope you’re having fun-love you-papa” or even just“I love you-Papa”. But those cards meant so much to me. I hung them on my fridge every month and they would stay there until the next one came. Those cards showed me and reminded me that he loved us, even if he didn’t always know how to put it into words. I’d call him once or twice a month, and our conversations were pretty much the same- “I’ve been good, the tide is looking good, I love you.” Few words, but so many meanings behind them. And now, here I am, not really knowing how to put into words how I feel about this man and all of the lessons he taught me and just how much I loved him- so I am going to try to be a little bit like my pawpaw right now, and I am going to be a woman of few words. I will let my words be few, and his memories be big, because the memory of that man will never leave any of us. So to my pawpaw- “Be good, hope you’re having fun, and I love you. I’ll never, ever forget your big heart, your gentle spirit, and your love for family. Roll Tide, Pawpaw. Roll Tide.”
I love you, Pawpaw.