Sib Weekend '11

Sib Weekend!!!!! My little brother will be flying to Dallas two weeks from tonight! He will be staying until the following Tuesday. My older brother and sis in law will be in Dallas for the weekend too!! I love spending time with my sibs and can't wait to have a sib weekend all together again!!! YAY!!!!!

Where have I been?

I've gotten incredibly bad at updating this blog. Honestly, this is what my life looks like every week:

Monday-Tuesday- Work from 7:30-4:30, grade/collect data/plan lessons until bed time (Except tomorrow, when I will be at work until like... 8:00 pm!)

Wednesday- Work from 7:30-5:00 (earliest), come home, eat dinner, bible study, go to bed

Thursday- Work from 7:30-4:30, grade/collect data/plan lessons until bed time

Friday- Work from 7:30-4:00, happy hour with friends, early bed time

Saturday- Football, football, more football

Sunday- Church, errands, laundry, cleaning

REPEAT

So if you're wondering what I'm doing, there you have it! That's my life these days. But, I would have it no other way! Have I mentioned that I love, love, love my new job? God's plan is so good. A year ago I would have never imagined being here, but here I am! And I love it.

PS. My favorite little family moves back to Dallas next week! I am overjoyed!

God's Story

Last night, Holly and I shared our testimony in bible study. I like to type things out before I talk, so I typed the following. Since I shared with Holly, this wasn't word for word what I said. Holly covered some parts of this story, so I didn't verbally speak it all. However, it's the first time I've written my story down. I left a lot of personal details out of this version since I'm posting it on the web and I don't want everyone knowing everything about me, but for the most part, here it is. My story.... or better, the beautiful story God has written for me.

When I think back on my life, my walk with Christ, and my overall testimony, there is a theme that is evident throughout it all- God’s faithfulness. I think Deuteronomy 31:8 is a perfect verse to summarize my testimony- “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

I had a perfect childhood. I was raised in a home with two parents who adored us, and three siblings that made life super interesting. We weren’t rich, but we were blessed. We never wanted for anything and life was just great. I think back to my childhood with very fond memories. My parents had us in church for as long as I can remember. I accepted Christ the summer before third grade at VBS. I’m not sure how much I understood at the time, but I knew that I had done things wrong and that I needed someone to save me from those sins. It wasn’t until years later that my faith really began to grow and flourish though. God was faithful in my childhood by providing an extremely happy one and by opening the doors that led to my salvation.

When I entered my teenage years, my faith really began to grow. God took my family and me through many different trials. This is where I really began learning that God is faithful through every single life event. There were many months, even years, where I turned from what I knew about God and believed about God, and even through those times of darkness he was faithful.

When I was 14 and a freshmen in highschool, my mom got a really bad infection in her mouth. She went to the dentist, had a root canal, but the infection never went away. Medications didn’t fix it, and finally the dentist sent her to a different doctor. After going through different blood tests, my mom was diagnosed with Acute Myelegenous Leukemia. That day forever changed my life. I don’t even know how to describe what it’s like to hear the words, “Your mom has cancer.” It changes everything. My mom was the rock of our family. She was a stay at home mom who handled the bills, did all laundry, cooked all meals, and ran every aspect of our home. Then suddenly she was in the hospital and we were lost as to how to run a house. God was incredibly faithful during that time though- we had so many ladies from the church who came to clean, cook, do laundry, and taught us to do it along the way. We had so many families that took us in on the weekends that our dad was traveling and our mom was in the hospital. It was amazing to see the people of God step in and help. God was so faithful during that time, and after a few months, my mom was in remission. Three words of that verse from Deuteronomy stuck out during this time—“DO NOT FEAR.”

The next several months were fairly normal. My sophomore year came and went. The summer after my sophomore year, we got ready to go on vacation. Every summer for years, about ten families would go on vacation to Panama City Beach together. That certain year, my friend Molly went on the trip. Her family didn’t go, but she tagged along on the trip with one of the other families. On the last day of the trip, our friend Molly got caught in the rip tide and drowned. The year before, I had known several people who had died… but most of them were teachers, friend’s parents, or just acquaintances. But on that July day on the beach, I experienced my first friend dying. It was the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. Death is so hard for a young person to comprehend, and it was unbelievable to me that I had just swam with my friend, ridden waves with my friend, eaten lunch with my friend and then she was suddenly gone. For months, I was so mad at God. Why would he take a girl who was so on fire for Him, who had such great plans for her life and to live it for Him? I was so angry. I just remember going to church and crying, and coming up and just talking it out with our mom. But even through that situation, God has been faithful and is still showing his faithfulness through it today. One way He was faithful was that so many kids in our youth group came to know Christ through Molly’s story. We even went on mission trips and shared Molly’s story and more people were saved. So many people have come to know Christ by hearing Molly’s story. Yet another way that God has been faithful is that right now, even today, there are lifeguards on the beach in Alabama. The money was raised by Molly’s family, and they are called the Molly Patrol. This summer alone they saved dozens of people from the waters. Many families were spared the heartache that we went through because of Molly’s life. Molly’s mom has become such a special mentor in both mine and Holly’s life—she lost a daughter, we lost our mom, and through those losses, we found each other. We lived with her parents for a little while when we had no where else to go. We spend time with her everytime we are home. She is so special to us and I can’t imagine not having that time with her. I know she would rather have Molly here than random moments with us, but it’s still special to us that since Molly isn’t here, we are able to have that relationship with her. She has been such a role model for us, guided us, and just loved on us when we needed it. God is so faithful, even we don’t understand and when we hurt and ache. The part of Deuteronomy that is evident in this aspect of my life is “It is the Lord who goes before you.” There is no other way the little things that came out of those loss could have added up to the affect they have had on my life other than the fact that the Lord went before me and planned it all out.

My junior year came and went. It was a tough year because we were all still dealing with Molly’s death. Right after my junior year, God decided to prove His faithfulness to me yet again. One afternoon, our mom called Holly and I and told us to come home. We got home to find out that our dad was leaving- and not just for one of his many business trips. He was packing his things and leaving us. I was in complete shock. I don’t know, maybe I was just so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t even notice that my parents were struggling and had been for years. My dad was my best friend, and all of a sudden he was gone. A few weeks later, we found out it was because he had been having an affair with a lady from a church- a lady that I babysat for. I won’t go into a lot of details, but it was the talk of the town and there was so many layers to it. I was so, so mad at my dad. I basically cut him off for years and had no relationship with him whatsoever. During that time, it was so hard for my to trust God’s will. In the past two years, I had watched my mom fight cancer, my friend die in front of me, and now my dad had walked out on his entire family. It was so hard for me to trust God- my heavenly father- when my earthly father had done so much wrong. Why would God be any different? It was such a struggle for me. But God took it, and taught me so, so much. Through that process, God taught me so much. God taught me grace and forgiveness. It took years, but I finally learned that if God can forgive me, I can and have to forgive my dad. Forgiveness is a HARD thing, especially when someone has done the kind of things to you that my dad had done. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are ok with what they did… it doesn’t mean that you are over what they did… If you waited to forgive someone until you were over how they wronged you, you would never do it. We don’t have to work for God’s forgiveness, but so many times we expect people to work for our forgiveness. There was nothing my dad could do to fix our relationship. He could apologize, he could explain things, he could try to change things, but in the end—it was up to ME. Nothing HE did would fix it. I had to give it to God and learn the true meaning of forgiveness. To forgive, you just have to know that God loves that person even when you don’t know how. Through the years, God taught me to forgive my dad. Sometimes today, I still have to work on it. Hurt like that doesn’t just go away. But if you give it to God, it is truly like a burden is taken away. And when you truly have to go through the process of forgiving someone like that, it makes you not take for granted the fact that God sent his SON to die for us so that he could forgive us. The part of Deuteronomy that really stinks out to me in this aspect of my life was “He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you” Just because my earthly father had left me, failed me, and forsaken me did NOT mean that God would ever do that. I clung to this verse many nights because it was my promise that my real Father would never do those same things.

Well, senior year came and went. The entire year (and many years after) I really struggled with the whole dad issue. My senior year was hard because my dad wasn’t there for all of the “senior” things. After graduation, I was so ready to move to college. My family had been the talk of the town for years and I just wanted out. At the beginning of July, I begged my mom to let me go to Tuscaloosa for a week to stay with friends. I told her it would be a great time to meet people there and go ahead and get plugged in. She told me no, and I was so mad at her. The thing I didn’t know was that the week I wanted to go, she had a doctor’s appointment and she had a feeling her cancer was back, and she wanted me at home after the report. Being the typical teenager, I slept in that morning. She went to her doctors appointment and was back home before I even woke up. I woke up to my mom climbing into my bed. She told me that she had gone to the doctor and that her leukemia was indeed back. It was like a punch in the stomach. The thing with leukemia is that if you can stay in remission for two years, they consider you cured. My mom was two months away from the two year mark. I had just assumed that we were good to go. Another thing with leukemia is that if you relapse once, you will relapse forever unless you have a bone marrow transplant. Well, the first time my mom had leukemia they looked for a bone marrow donor- but there were no matches. The best way to get a match is by a sibling, but my mom was an only child. She had a rare blood type, so there were no donors in the bank. Therefore when we found out she was sick again, we knew it would be a long road. The doctors doubted there would be a match in the bank since there wasn’t last time. My mom started chemo right away. Holly and I packed up our things and moved to college anyway. I don’t know what our mom said to us to get us to move anyway, but one of the hardest things I’ve ever done is drive to the hospital the night before I moved and kiss my sick mom on the cheek while she cried about not being able to be there to move us in to our college dorm. I hated that day so much. My mom continued chemo and I think it was in September or October that we got the good news---- my mom had a bone marrow match. They set up the process of the transplant to start the Monday after Thanksgiving. We spent the week of Thanksgiving together enjoying each others company and being incredibly thankful for the donor that my mom had received. We went back to school for finals, and my mom went into the hospital to end her fight with cancer. I remember the day she got her transplant, I called to see how it was going and she responded with, "Oh, I'm just sitting here watching God's miracle flow into my body." But before you can have a bone marrow transplant, you have to go through a really, really, really intense round of chemo. It kills your entire bone marrow so that you can start a new. When I came home after finals, my mom was so sick. I’d go visit her and we would just sit in her room and watch TV… she would mostly sleep. After a little while, she would tell me to go home. I would tell her that I wanted to be there, but she would tell me every time that I had a life to live outside of the hospital and that I needed to go live it. She eventually got so sick that she wasn’t even aware of us being in the room. She kept getting worse, but the doctors told us that the transplant was working and that she had to get worse before she got better. By the time Christmas rolled around, she was out of it. On Christmas Eve, they put her in a medically induced coma. They said it would help her body to heal and she wouldn’t be fighting it so much. New Years came, and she was still in the coma. We moved back to college to start the spring semester. We went to the first week of classes, and she just kept getting worse. We went back home the weekend of Martin Luther King Weekend. That Friday night the doctors kept calling back and forth saying that all of these organs were failing, but it might turn around. Then it was that her lungs are bleeding, oh no they aren’t, oh yes they are, ok no they are not. We went to bed Friday night believing that her lungs weren’t bleeding, some organs were failing, but it could still turn around. On Saturday morning I woke up to my sister crying hysterically and my dad walking in my room telling me to get dressed because it was time to say goodbye. We drove to the hospital in silence. I just remember staring out the window and thinking “why?” We got to the hospital and had long conversations with the doctors—her lungs were indeed bleeding. We could either take her off her breathing machine and she would be gone in minutes… or we could leave her on it and she would be gone in days. My grandmother left the choice to my older brother, holly, and me. We talked and decided that we didn’t want her to struggle or be in pain anymore. We each got to go into the room and say our goodbyes. Then we all went in and held hands around her. I had the honor of being right by her and holding her hand. They unplugged the machine and we watched our mom take her final breaths. I got to hold her hand in the instance that she left this world and was greeted by the King of Kings. I swear that she was smiling in that moment. When she was gone, I turned from her bed and was surrounded by God’s promises—literally. A nurse had suggested that my sister and I make signs with encouraging bible verses to hang around my mom’s room. We did it, and I mean--- we did it. We covered every wall with them. I never would have thought that they were being made for ME. But I can’t even explain the peace I felt when I let go of my mother’s hand, turned around, and was able to read multiple promises given to me by the Creator that my mom was at that moment dancing with. “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” The Lord went before me. He had that nurse suggest to make those verses. He was with me in those final moments with my mom, and he has not failed me or forsaken me in the moments past that. He tells me not to fear or be dismayed, and when I am--- he reminds me that he is all in his plan. I would give anything and everything that I have to have my mom back. She was my best friend and THE most amazing human I have ever been blessed to know. But I also know that if she was still here, I wouldn’t be sitting in Dallas, Texas tonight. I would be in Birmingham, Alabama. I don’t know what I would be doing, but it wouldn’t be the life I’m doing now. And for some reason that I may not know yet, God wants me here. So when I miss my mom a whole whole lot, which is basically every moment of every day, I remind myself that I am living God’s plan. And I may never know why that plan included taking my mom from me so early, but I do know that it is HIS plan. And where else would I want to be besides in His plan?

I’m not going to lie though. The weeks, months, and even years after my mom died weren’t my finest years. I was so angry. I quit going to church. I had no desire to get up early on a Sunday to go worship someone who took my mom away from me. Who took my dad away from me. Who took my friend away from me. I had no desire to give up my Wednesday nights for it either. So I didn’t. I lost a few friendships because of it- my friends would try to talk to me about giving Him up, but I would just get defensive. In my mind, they didn’t know what it was like to lose a mom, so what right did they have in telling me that I was doing the wrong thing by not going to church? The years following weren't my finest years. I left God's plan for my life behind and made my own. I had it all planned, but God eventually showed me that living outside of His plan wasn't for me. On a night in April of my junior year, God brought me back to Him. I fought it for months, but by November had given up. I let go of the life I had been living since my mom passed, and was ready to move on. But all of a sudden, I didn’t know what I was going to do after graduation. I was completely lost. Then I found out that my sister in law’s dad could get me a job in Irving, outside of Dallas. I had never even been to Dallas, but I just knew it was where I was suppose to be. Within a weekend I had a job, an apartment, and a move in date. I was moving to Dallas, Texas. God had proven himself faithful in providing me a place to live where I could heal from the years and be away from reminders.

Over and over and over again in my life, God has proven Himself through this verse: “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” He knew before I was even born what my life would entail. He would know the multiple times that my heart would be ripped out and broken. He knew that I would get through those times, but only by His strength. Yes, there are days that I question it. I look at some of my friend’s lives and pasts that seem so perfect, and I feel inadequate. I don’t understand why some of my friend’s have learned the same lessons but still have both parents, a family that is together, and a boy that didn’t rip their heart out. But then I remember that God goes before EACH of us. Not just me. He planned each of our lives and he knew what it would take to get us to where we need to be. I don’t understand why I lost my friend Molly, my mom, my dad for a while... But I do understand that if even one of those things didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be here tonight. I would be somewhere else, probably Alabama. And I know that I love my life here and that for whatever reason, this is God’s plan for my life. So I will remember that verse. I will remember that God will not fail me or forsake me. He went before me and planned my entire life. He knows every tear I will cry, every giggle I will laugh, and every moment I take a breath. And so, I will continue living this life, learning from what he gives me- and trying my hardest to not fear along the way. My God has been faithful all of my life, and I know that will continue until I take my last breath and I'm home with Him again.

Testimony

Our women's bible study is currently doing a series called "Hearing from the Women of the Bridge". Each week, two different women have shared their testimony, favorite verse, or something that God has taught them. Holly and I were asked to share our testimony this Wednesday.

Will you pray for us? I've never shared my entire story before. Holly and I went back and forth on what part of our stories we should share, and came to a conclusion that all the pieces of our story are important if you want to see how faithful God has been in our lives. We plan on sharing it all, but parts can be quite emotional.

Please pray that we will have strength to get through the tough parts of the story. Pray that we aren't nervous. Pray that the women of the group are open to what God has to say through us.

I have typed up everything I want to say. I may copy and paste it on to this blog after we share so that you all can see our testimonies as well.

Thank you in advance for the prayers!

9/11- Let us never forget.

Can you believe it's been ten years since 9/11? I know that everyone is saying that today. It's one of those days that will always seem like it happened just yesterday. Today, my heart goes out to every family who lost someone that day. My heart aches for them and for our country.

I think it's so crazy how my students were only two when this tragedy happened, and they really have no idea what it was. I've talked to them about it, and they really have no idea. I like to share my story with them, as well as try to explain it to them, because I think this next generation needs to understand what happened to our country that day.

I was a freshmen in high school, but in my hometown ninth grade was at the junior high and not the highschool. So technically, I was a freshmen in junior high. That morning we had had an assembly in the gym, but I honestly couldn't even tell you what it was about. When the assembly was over, we were dismissed to first period and I headed to biology. I went to biology and took a test. At some point during the test, another teacher walked in and whispered something to our teacher. She nodded her head, the teacher left, and we continued with our test. After everyone turned in their test, right before we left class, the teacher looked at us and said, "I didn't tell you this earlier because you were taking a test and I wanted you to focus, but it appears that two planes have crashed into the World Trade Center in New York City." And then the bell rang, and we were dismissed into the hallway.

The hallway was crazy. Everyone was chatting, some people were crying, and I had no clue what was going on. I went to my locker to get my books for the next class, and my sister is there. She keeps saying, "Isn't this crazy? Isn't this crazy? It just hit the pentagon. Isn't this crazy?" And I just kept saying "What is going on? I don't understand? Was this on purpose?" And then we were rushed on to our next class.

I walked into home economics and the first thing I see is my teacher, sitting at her desk, crying like a baby. I looked up at the TV, and my mouth just fell open. There was smoke billowing out of the towers. I sat down at my desk, and at the moment, the south tower collapsed.

The rest of the day was spent watching the news. In history, our teacher talked to us a lot about why this was happening, why people would want to hurt America, and what we were going to do about it. You could tell everyone was scared. Where would they hit next? Would they? Were we ever going to be safe?

When my mom picked me up from school, she told us not to talk about it in the car. She didn't want to scare our little brother. Once we got home, she explained it to our brother and then pulled us in her room to talk about. We just cried and cried. That night, we went to our church. We prayed with each other, cried with each other, and cried for those lost.

I remember being so scared the days following the attacks. Any time I saw a plane landing in Birmingham, I was afraid it was going to go and hit a building downtown instead.

In the years following, I grew up in a post 9/11 world. I was so young when it happened that I barely remember life before the attacks. I barely remember a world when my country wasn't fighting this war. In the years since, I've had friends go and fight for our country because of those attacks. They went, they fought, they returned, and they've never been the same. This country has never been the same.

I'm proud to be an American. I'm proud of the people who risked their lives that day to save others. I'm proud of this country. Let us never, ever forget that day.

Go here to read a really cool article about where my God was on the 9/11/01. He is a mighty God, indeed!

Faithful

One year ago- the day after Labor Day of 2010- was the day I found out I had to leave my first school.

One year ago, I was devasted. I went to bed crying, convinced that I would never be able to work at another school. I was convinced that I would hate my new job and I would be back at my first school the following year.

What a crazy year it has been! I moved over to that second school. It took me a long time, but I finally adjusted to it. I fell in love with my students there and I made friends at the school. I still woke up every day wishing I was going to my first school, but at least I was happy at the second one.

Then I felt God calling me to interview at the new middle school, and I'm there now. It's amazing. It's a lot of work- I've never planned, graded, or worked this hard in my life. It's very time consuming and I come home every night exhausted. But, it is so my school. It is everything I've wanted in a school and I love it there.

Yes, I still miss my old school. Sometimes I wish I had taken the easy road and gone back there. But I know that God has a plan for me at JMS- it is where I am suppose to be. And I think the only reason he moved me to that second school was so that I would apply for JMS-- I never would have applied if I was still at my first school.

I'm writing this down to remind me that even at the darkest moments-- when I think God doesn't care about my desires or what I want in life-- that He does have it planned. A year ago my heart was broken... and now it's so full. I love where I am now, and I never would have been there if it wasn't for that awful Tuesday night a year ago. God is so faithful!

College Football!

At this point, nothing else matters except for the fact that....

COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE!!!