"What, I have to leave?!?!"... then lots of tears.
"What, I might be able to stay?!?!"... then lots of crossing fingers...
"Crap, I have to go?!?!" ... lots more tears.
"Wait, I really may be staying!!!" ... lots of jumping around and silently celebrating...
"Crap. I'm for real leaving."
To say this has been an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. In Travis's words, it has been an emotional theme park. I am exhausted. I am heartbroken. I am sad. I cry all the time.
With that being said, I met my new team today and my new principal. It's different. Way different. But somehow... I know I will survive and like it. Somehow. Today, I don't know how. It's going to be hard. A new school. A new grade level. To go from only teaching reading and social studies to teaching all subjects. It is going to be a hard adjustment.
The thought of leaving my kids kills me. They cried SO hard when they found out yesterday. It broke my heart. It killed me. Literally took a part of me to have to hug them and tell them it would be ok when inside I just wanted to stay with them. I look at their little tear streaked faces, and I think, "Why are they making me do this to them?!?"
I dont know why I'm having to leave. I don't understand God's timing and God's plan. I don't get it, and tonight, I do not like it. I love Townley. I do not want to leave it. And yet tomorrow, I am officially a falcon and no longer a torchlighter.
And if I even begin to talk about how I feel about leaving Obed, Sue, and Jaime.. well, I'll cry all over again. And to talk about not teaching with Bonnie? Well, I'm not even going there. I'll miss those four so much.
It breaks my heart. I'm praying that it will become whole again soon. That God will show me why I'm there and why I had to leave. That I can get through these days at my new school without crying all day. Because right now, all I'm doing is crying. It stinks.
No comments:
Post a Comment