Remember

On Sunday, we went to church at my older brother's church in Austin. I didn't feel very good that morning and almost didn't even go to church. It was then blazing hot in church, so combine that with me not feeling well, and it results in Heather not paying much attention to the sermon. Honestly, I don't even remember what his sermon was mainly about. However, there was one part that really stuck out to me.

As many of you know, my mother battled leukemia twice. The first time she battled leukemia, I was a freshmen in highschool. The second time, I was a freshmen in college. They found a match for her bone marrow transplant, which was a true answer to prayer. They didn't think they would ever find one. We were overjoyed! However, the chemotherapy before the transplant ended up being too much for her body. Her organs began failing, and then her lungs started bleeding, and then she went home to her Savior where her heart longed to be.

Anyway, back to the sermon. The preacher was talking about how we can have hope in God because he is the great Healer. He was talking about how his own mother battled cancer and how they almost lost her. He was talking about how her case should have been hopeless, but they prayed and prayed and God healed her. He then started talking about how whenever he was down or felt discouraged, he would remember what God had done for her and his family by healing his mom. He then told us that we needed to always remember the things that God has done for us, because it will help us to not be discouraged.

At that exact moment, I had one of my most selfish thoughts. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but at that point, I thought, "Well, that's great for you. But God didn't heal my mom. I asked, and He didn't. So when I think of what He's done for me, I think of how he didn't heal my mom." I was honestly really bitter at that moment. I don't think I have ever been more bitter about my mom passing away then I was at that exact moment. I was angry! This man was preaching about how God healed his mom and I felt like he was rubbing it in my face! But no, I was just being a selfish girl. At that exact moment, right after I thought that ugly thought, I felt God. I heard God. It felt like he was truly speaking to me, and I felt like He said this... "What are you talking about? I did heal your mom! Do you remember when you almost lost her in highschool? When you were picked up from school and told that you needed to be ready to say goodbye because the doctors couldn't do anything else? You asked for healing, and I healed your mother then. I could have brought her home then, but I healed her and had her stay with you for three and a half more years. I gave her three and a half more years to laugh with you, talk with you, teach you, carry you, mold you, and walk with you through some of your hardest trials. I healed your mom, gave you those precious years with her, and then I brought her home. I did hear your prayers, and I did answer them. And then it was time for her to be with me."


And it was oh so very true. I should never be bitter about God taking my mom from me. He could have done it the first time she battled leukemia, heck, he could have done it the day I was born. But he gave me 18 1/2 years with her. He gave me more time with her after the first run with leukemia. And while there are days when I ache for her.... birthdays, holidays, special occasions that she should be at... well, I think back to those 18 1/2 years that I was blessed with. I remember the time God gave me with her, and I am filled with gratitude and thankfulness. We serve a mighty God who knows when and where everything should happen. There are times when we doubt Him and times when we are angry with Him, but we need to remember... HE wrote our story. The ending may surprise us, but it won't surprise Him!