However, I got the most out of tonight. At least, the most that I can apply to my life at this very moment. Isn't it great how God always plans for us to hear things right when we need to hear them? Crazy how he works that way. Anywho... I just thought I'd share what God taught me tonight.
So as most of you know, I got moved to a new school four weeks into the school year. It literally broke my heart. I loved my old school- everything about it. My administration, my team, my students, just the entire atmosphere. I literally had no desire to leave and I cried for weeks whenever I thought about it.
Literally since the moment I found out I had to leave, my old administration has told me that they want me back next year and will do anything they can to get me back. New budget cuts were announced this week, and just yesterday I talked with my old principal about what needed to be done in order to help ensure that I could come back. It made me feel good to know that he still wanted me back, but at the same time it stressed me out that there could be such a great possibility that I wouldn't be back next year.
When I moved to my new school, it was really hard for me. For several days/weeks, I struggled with being there. I didn't want to get attached to the kids, I didn't want to get to know my team, and I didn't want to get to know anyone there. I just kept telling myself that there was no point in building those relationships when I would just be leaving a year later to go back to where I wanted. And honestly, those days where I decided to do it all myself and not bother with anyone at the new school-- those were the hardest days I've ever had as a teacher. You can't teach alone- you have to accept the support of your team. And with that comes building relationships with them.
But why would I want to do that? I built great relationships with my old team, and what did they do to me? It broke my heart when I had to leave them. And what would happen if I built relationships at this new school, and then had to make a decision on where I was going to be next year? It would be so much easier to choose if I had no ties to the new school and just went right back. That way, I wouldn't be leaving a part of myself somewhere like I did this year.
Back to tonight- living the life God gave us in our present time. We talked about how living in the past or waiting for what comes next in the future can rob us of the abundant life that God has given us right now- in our present time. Because honestly, this time next year, there is no telling where I will be teaching. Yes, I can tell you which school I want to be teaching at. But I can't tell you what God's plan for my life is this time next year. After budget cuts and re-zoning, there is no telling where I might end up. Old school? New school? Completely different school? I don't know. But I can't focus on that. I have to accept where I am right now, and build those relationships at my new school. Those relationships can bring great joy into this year, even at the risk of pain if I have to leave them next year.
However, we also talked about actively waiting while living in our present. This is where it can get complicated. We need to live life in the present and what God's will for our lives is right now, but we also have to be waiting for what our future holds. One point they made was that if you think God is calling you somewhere, you can't just wait for it to fall in your lap. Sometimes you have to do things in order to keep those doors open. So, in order to help keep the door open to my old school, I will be taking my certification test for EC-6 on December 2nd. This will give me a Texas certificate to teach EC-6th grade. Right now I am only 4-8 in Texas, but after the test I will be qualified for EC-8. This way, I am capable of teaching any grade at my old school- not just 4th and 5th. While I realize that going back there is what I want and not necessarily God's will, I also know that having that certification will help keep the door open to that school in case that is God's will for my life next year.
God has given me an abundant present. I can't keep living in the great year last year or the great year next year. I need to take my class of 17, my grade level of 7, and my large school family, and live in the present. Because God has me here for a reason. And what's the point of living if we don't live in our present? So I have decided tonight to live for my present, and to live it to the fullest, while also helping to open doors for the future. Sounds complicated, but I hope that with God's guidance, I will be living in His will over the next few years. Because no matter how many times I have to change grade levels and schools, I want to be where He wants me. Even if it involves lots more heart breaks and goodbyes!
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